Hellions of Troy Roller Derby : Authentic all girl roller derby action.

Number: 66

Distinguishing Characteristics: Bone-dry wit, devastating shoulder hit

Likes: The zen-like phrase “HULK SMASH”

Dislikes: Irish folk music, Barbershop quartets, lists of things people like

Bio: Born on the last day of February in a bissextile year aeons ago, Disharmony learned early on to appreciate birthday celebrations, which only seemed to come her way every few years for some reason. Given that no one in her Polish-Tazmanian family of Barbershop Quartet singers could hold a tune to save their lives, and always and only drunkenly and inexplicably sang “Oh Danny Boy” or “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” at these times, she was actually thankful for the non-leap year respites. On her sixth birthday, while in her mid 20′s, she was given a pair of faded rainbow roller skates and a used betamax copy of “Top Gun” by her family, accompanied by a loud and completely off-tune version of Devo’s “Whip It.” Disharmony quickly ran off to the roller rink. She proceeded to become instantly addicted to both speed and hitting simultaneously when on her first lap around the rink she slammed hard into an elderly couple, breaking several of their limbs, and then over them and face first into a Mortal Combat arcade console. The resulting scar on her right cheek bone, which can still be seen today if you look closely, caused an onlooking Hellion derby girl to laugh hysterically, but then to invite her to “embrace your destiny and learn the dark secrets of roller derby.”